Last week, Pitbull was on the radio saying something like “I don’t get married so I don’t get divorced.” Wrong attitude, right idea. I also read a post from fellow WANA112 writer Dr. Shay West, who is chronicling her divorce on her blog, about the emotional ups and downs of a breakup. Since, I’ve started thinking about the married couples who surround me. There are those that make me wonder what the hell they are doing together, those who can’t be bothered to look for something more, those who have settled, believe they could have done worse so they’ll die bound to each other, and those who would rather be miserable than alone. Nothing wrong with any of these choices, unless you want to be one of the couples who is obviously in love.
I don’t have the all the answers since I’m not part of a couple at all. (I’d rather be alone than miserable.) However, I have been married and I am divorced so let me tell you what I think the recipe is to never getting divorced…
- DON’T get married because it’s trendy, everyone you know is married, it’s time, your clock is ticking, your family and friends are pressuring you, or you want to be married.
- DON’T compromise or tolerate because both will eventually become reasons to split up. Settling for something means lowering your standards. Good enough will never become great. A flaw endured will eventually become a hated fault.
- BEWARE. The contract is really easy to get out of. Just like changing cell phone provider before your contract is up, all you have to do is pay the penalty usually in the form of dividing assets and debts-material things. The hard part is dealing with the spiritual plane. When we get married, we fuse our souls. Unraveling them is long excruciatingly painful work. Pull too hard, lose a part of yourself and bleed for the rest of your life. Take too long and waste part of your life. Refuse to do the work and squander your life away.
- DO seek mutual respect, understanding, acceptance, attraction and love.
- DO get married because you are in your ideal relationship. It should exist prior to signing that marriage contract. If you don’t have it before, you wont have it after the wedding, no matter how hard you work at it.
Now go tie the knot!
Married and obviously in love people, is this really the recipe? Divorced people, what have you learned? For everyone, what do you think?