A Recipe For Never Getting Divorced


Last week, Pitbull was on the radio saying something like “I don’t get married so I don’t get divorced.” Wrong attitude, right idea. I also read a post from fellow WANA112 writer Dr. Shay West, who is chronicling her divorce on her blog, about the emotional ups and downs of a breakup. Since, I’ve started thinking about the married couples who surround me. There are those that make me wonder what the hell they are doing together, those who can’t be bothered to look for something more, those who have settled, believe they could have done worse so they’ll die bound to each other, and those who would rather be miserable than alone. Nothing wrong with any of these choices, unless you want to be one of the couples who is obviously in love.

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Image courtesy of imagerymajestic

I don’t have the all the answers since I’m not part of a couple at all. (I’d rather be alone than miserable.) However, I have been married and I am divorced so let me tell you what I think the recipe is to never getting divorced…

  • DON’T get married because it’s trendy, everyone you know is married, it’s time, your clock is ticking, your family and friends are pressuring you, or you want to be married.
  • DON’T compromise or tolerate because both will eventually become reasons to split up. Settling for something means lowering your standards. Good enough will never become great. A flaw endured will eventually become a hated fault.
  • BEWARE. The contract is really easy to get out of. Just like changing cell phone provider before your contract is up, all you have to do is pay the penalty usually in the form of dividing assets and debts-material things. The hard part is dealing with the spiritual plane. When we get married, we fuse our souls. Unraveling them is long excruciatingly painful work. Pull too hard,  lose a part of yourself and bleed for the rest of your life. Take too long and waste part of your life. Refuse to do the work and squander your life away.
  • DO seek mutual respect, understanding, acceptance, attraction and love.
  • DO get married because you are in your ideal relationship. It should exist prior to signing that marriage contract. If you don’t have it before, you wont have it after the wedding, no matter how hard you work at it.

Now go tie the knot!

Married and obviously in love people, is this really the recipe? Divorced people, what have you learned? For everyone, what do you think?

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  1. #1 by stuart sheldon on June 13, 2013 - 10:55 AM

    Wow, Patricia … we are really synched up on this. By coincidence I just posted today on my blog “How To Divorce” – http://stuartsheldon.com/2013/how-to-divorce/.

    As both a child of divorce and a divorcee, I can say that your advice is SPOT ON. Ironically, divorce is similar to the marriage you define in that it requires “mutual respect, understanding, acceptance.”

  2. #2 by WomanBitesDog on June 11, 2013 - 5:47 AM

    Marriage is hard work – but hard work pays off, usually!

  3. #3 by Elisa Nuckle on June 11, 2013 - 12:53 AM

    Hmm, this is interesting. I married my husband three years ago, and since then we’ve had moments of bitterness and compromises that I (or he) just couldn’t end up actually going through with. We talked it out, and it’s the one thing we’ve always done.

    I love and respect my husband, but if we didn’t talk about our issues and what bothered us about one another, and in general, I don’t think we would’ve ever gotten to the marriage point. As it stands, we talked about all that during our engagement. We lived together. We saw what we wanted out of life and understood that it lined up, and that we loved one another despite the flaws. I don’t know if this is the recipe for a lasting marriage, but I know I want my marriage to last, and both my husband and I are willing to make it work. (Which, fortunately, doesn’t seem to be a hard thing to do.)

    That being said, I have no clue if that’s how normal people do marriage. We were weird and knew what we wanted going into our relationship and basically went down the checklist. We matched up, and we still do, despite some differences that have popped up (we’re young, so certain things are still solidifying). I think that similarity and difference is what matters. And communication, and knowing up front what that person wants out of a committed relationship and their own future.

    Is my comment long enough yet? 😛

    • #4 by Patricia Caviglia on June 12, 2013 - 12:31 AM

      It could be a post but I like it. You bring up an excellent point about communication. It is a key ingredient to any good relationship.

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